I'm having yet another lousy day.
Today seems worse than yesterday. I just can't seem to get the thunderstorm out of my brain. The the rain is cold and the thunder hurts my ears. I just want the grey clouds to scatter. I don't even need the sunshine, just leave me with a melancholy sky.
I had a strange dream last night.
I was pregnant. Five months pregnant and you could see where the baby was positioned in my stomach. It wasn't a normal pregnant belly, it was almost non-existent, but with a clear definition of the outline of a baby's body could be seen just below my belly button. I went to the doctor, and they told me she was a girl. I was going to have a little girl! But before I could enjoy the moment of pictures of a beautiful life together, he told me that she had lost her battle for life within me, and I was to give birth to a stillborn. I cried. Hard. I wanted to hold my little girl so badly, but not without the breath of life.
I went home - I just wanted to be alone with my daughter, to say my last goodbye to her, to tell her everything I thought I would have a lifetime to say. So I made a pot of tea, and sang to my her, knowing this was to be the last time I was to ever have her close to me. I held her through my stomach, caressing her tiny body with my hands. I felt movement. I pulled my hand away, and yet she moved again. My heart started racing. Could this be my mind playing tricks on me, or was she really alive? I started having contractions and her movements became stronger. My body took over and I was in labor. No one was around. Right there, in the comfort of my bed, amongst a sea of pillows, she was born. I reached down to pull her close, her little hands almost reaching for mine, grasping for life. She was tiny. Almost too small to be real. She came four months too early, but at least she came. Eve. I wrapped her pink body in a blanket and rocked her to sleep, smiling at my little girl. They were wrong. She hadn't given up. She was just enjoying the quiet before she entered the world that is never still.
It was just her and me. Together. And we couldn't have been happier.
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